What I learned from mowing the yard
This summer I started mowing my lawn!! This may sound like a simple task to some but for this girl it has been empowering! Let me tell you why.
In my early 30's I was involved in a long term relationship that I desperately wanted out of but was too scared too leave because of the running dialogue of stories that was running in my head.
One of the loudest stories that seemed to run the show the most was how will I take care of my house by myself? How will I pay the mortgage, who will fix things if they fall apart? Who will mow the yard? This last one was a huge one because I had never touched a piece of lawn equipment and it seemed like such an impossible task. ( how do I start it? how will I get the gas? What if it breaks? I don't know how? These were just some of the thoughts running through my head) Quite honestly I had not lived by myself in almost 10 years and I had become accustomed to someone taking care of me.
I had many other running dialogues that also played a huge part in me staying in that relationship which included a belief that because I was a recovering drug addict no normal man would want to be in a relationship with me, fear of being alone, and no one will ever love me like this guy does.
Isn't this crazy???!!!
It's amazing the stories we tell ourself. We tell them so often that we believe them hook, line and sink as the absolute truth. These stories are actually limiting beliefs that keep us from taking action, stepping outside of our comfort zone, being the person we know we are meant to be, have the career that we can only dream of or be in the relationship that they write about in poems.
Month after month of unhappiness, I finally found the courage to leave that unfulfilling relationship and found that I actually could function quite well living by myself. Luckily nothing significant broke in the house and I hired someone to take care of my lawn; it was a simple solution to my very real story of needing someone else to handle the nuts and bolts of owning a house.
I am now in another long term relationship that is very fulfilling. He is totally my soul mate and I'm pretty sure they could write poetry about us. He is a normal guy who completely supports my recovery; in fact he is my biggest fan and support system in life.
(What if I stayed in that previous unfulfilling relationship because of all those running dialogues? I would have totally missed out on meeting my soulmate.)
We moved into a house last year that required us to take care of the lawn and all last year I watch Noel (the soulmate) go outside and mow. He took a new job in his company this winter which has required him to work more hours. My love language is acts of service (for more on that you can check out the book The 5 Love Languages) so I wanted to support him with mowing the yard.
Greetings! this was HUGE for me!! Because I had been telling myself for years that "I don't do that" bc really deep down I was afraid I would somehow screw it up. So I began with Noel starting the mower for me, I cautiously mowed in the straightest lines I could so that it would like nice and uniformed (because that is what I heard you are suppose to do). As I was mowing, I started to really enjoy the satisfaction of seeing the work I had done and it actually became a form of meditation for me. Plus I love being outside, it was becoming a win/win situation for everyone!
Fast forward to the end of the summer and I have taken over the chore of lawn mowing! I start the mower by myself, I refill it with gas when it is out and I rebelliously make the lines as unstraight as possible bc where's the fun in perfection!! Every time I mow I think about how I use to tell myself I couldn't mow a yard and every time I offer gratitude for my willingness to step out of my comfort zone. Because this is an example of 1 of hundreds of limiting beliefs.
That's the thing about limiting beliefs, they limit us. They limit us from experiencing new things, from speaking to people we wish to talk to, from leaving relationships that stopped being fulfilling, from opening our hearts to the people in our lives, from moving across the country, to taking a new job and the list goes on and on.
What beliefs do you have that are limiting you?
Who would you be without that belief?
Thoughts to ponder, huh . . .
Keegan White Coaching LLC