60 Days Sober to 13 Years . . .
The picture on the left was 13 years ago when I had about 60 days sober. It was taken at the recovery house where I lived for almost a year with an 11pm curfew on the weekdays and 12am on weekends. I'm the only person from that year who is still sober.
You can see from the picture how strung out I still looked even after 2 months of no drugs and no alcohol. By this point I had actually put on about 10-12 pounds. My skin was a wreck, my hair was thin, brittle and dry, and I was told that I shook for about 6 months after getting sober because my nervous system was so shot from smoking crystal meth.
This picture says it all . . . the attitude, the fear, the anger all rolled up into it.
I look back at her and see the vulnerability, the uncertainty, and the confusion of how in the hell did I end up here.
I also think back to my desire to not return to the hell I came from - that was what motivated me every single day not to drink or get high again. It damn sure wasn't because I actually wanted to stop using, I just wanted to stop feeling the way I was feeling. Some people might look back at a picture like this of themselves and be really harsh but I look at this picture and think how proud I am of her.
She walked away from a lifestyle and coping mechanism that had become her norm. She left an abusive relationship. She sought a different way of living through community, sponsorship, friendship, love, a connection to a Higher Power and to herself.
She is the foundation of who I am today. She is a badass. She is my hero and I love her.